On the Fence

Last night, as my son lay snuggled in his bed with a book, the reading lamp casting such a nice soft glow that I wanted to cuddle right in there with him, I talked with Chailyn about home schooling. I said that Daddy and I had spoken earlier, and we were trying to decide if we should home school next year.

He kept his eyes quietly on his book... a normal response from him.

"That would mean that when your friends go to Riley next Fall, Evi and Catherine and Brenden, you would stay home." I watched his face as he thought for a moment.

"Well," he finally said, now lifting his eyes up to meet mine, "I think I do want to go to Riley."

My mind whirled! It was all I could do to breathe in quietly through my nose, and release. I had just spoken to Kayden, telling her that we were simply in the process of making the decision and wanting to know how she felt. She was ready to come home tomorrow! Just the thought of it left her falling asleep with a slight grin on her lips.

The bigger thing was that I spoke to Jason after he read my post from yesterday, and he was totally on board! This came as kind of a surprise to me, but in retrospect it shouldn't have. He never wanted the kids to go to public school for several reasons, but simply conceded to my wishes. In fact, he made it clear that since the bulk of the schooling would fall on my shoulders, and it was my time during the day, it was totally my decision. Okay, so that was pushing me over the fence a bit.

Then, to hear that Chailyn WANTS to go to Riley, to upper elementary (actually the school that I am very nervous about), just blew me away. But I have to understand that he's getting older now and wants to socialize with his friends. He has this whole other life that he lives from nine to four every day that I am not such a big part of, that I only hear about through dinnner conversation.

I tucked my son in, kissed him on the head, and with a tender smile told him we could talk more about it soon...

As I walked down the stairs, I began to think about the "school side of the fence." Both of the kids got off the bus yesterday happy and bubbling... Kayden excited that her friend at was going to make her some hair bows, and Chailyn thrilled to be starting a solar system project! Right there, that day, there were two examples of my children loving school, weather they want to leave the house in the morning or not... And THIS morning was a resounding "NOT!" (Honestly, it was like a scene from Supernanny.)

So, now I'm sitting right back up where I was before... with the points of that white picket fence jabbing me in the buttocks. The grass in our own back yard is pretty green, and the organic garden beckons. But the playground on the other side is shiny, and their friends are calling. And here I am, just sitting.

The soothing balm in all of this, the padding under my rear, if you will, is a bit of wisdom passed to me from a friend: Impermanence is beautiful. Whatever I decide does not have to be for life, doesn't even have to be for a year. I need to take a lesson from the Buddha and lay more stock in the everchanging motion of life. Ohmmmmmm....