Home

This thought surfaces several times a day, like a Blue Whale slowly rising above the water for a breath. It is a big decision to make, and the crazy thing is that a year ago I didn't even think of it as an option. Home. Home instead of school.

Last year my nine year old son stood in the parking lot of his school, resolute in his position that he would not enter the building. Tears streaming down his face, he stood there alone as I walked inside to bring out the guidance counselor. Every morning leading up to that day was a struggle... and mornings continued to be afterward. Although, he was never daring enough to hold his ground in the parking lot again. He must have concluded it was lost battle.

My son excells academically, but socially he has difficulty. If you know my son, you probably think he's a nice kid, handsome, compassionate, well-spoken. He's got a great singing voice and likes musical instruments. He has danced for six years and is interested in theatre and music. He plays basketball and loves to mountain bike. If you know my son really well, you know that he has emotional outbursts, he cries, gets angry, and pouts. He is not an athletically driven kid, not very competetive. But if you know all this, you also realize that he can be extremely tender and kind, funny, and accepting. He has a passion for reading and will read an entire book in one day. He is a child of extremes.

My daugher, Kayden, is not much like her brother except in one way... she does not want to go to school. After a long Winter Break, I had to tear her away from me to send her to her classroom. She cried for an hour at lunch time. She, unlike her brother, struggles more academically but has tons of friends and is quite socially stable. She is an average student, though, not failing. She likes her teacher and the staff likes her. She just wants to be home. In fact, when she discovered that home-schooling existed, she began to beg me every day to home school her.

It is because of these reasons that I began to entertain the question: Should I home school my children? My answer right now is, "I don't know." I have heard all the arguments against it, and in fact was in that camp myself for most of my life. The largest argument that I hear against school at home is lack of socialization. Or, "You want your kid to be normal don't you?" I just find so many flaws in that position.

My children have danced since they were three and would continue to do so if they spent their days at home. They are active in church with kids of all ages. My daughter does scouting and art class, my son basketball. These things would continue, and more, if their time was more free to pursue what they are truly passionate about. In fact, right now I feel like they don't have time to engage with other children in a natural setting... the skills they learn at play are so crucial to development. We are lucky if we carve out an hour for them to play each day. I don't understand how sitting in a classroom with twenty-five children their same age, all doing the same thing, is building their social skills. In fact, I feel like it is only training them to function in a school environment.

The only other real opposition point I hear is that I will lose "my time at home." Or, that I could use that time to go back to work or pursue higher education. While I have considered both, and have tried working part time, it doesn't really suit me. I am blessed to be able to stay home. I did not have a stay-home mom when was a child, and perhaps I am trying to fill a void... but for whatever reason, I love being a homemaker, household supervisor, stay-at-home mom, whatever label you put on it! I love it. And even if I did pursue a career, it would be writing, which I could do during and about the experience of schooling my children!

As far as personal time... I would think if I was spending all day with my children, I would feel better about using evening time for volunteer activities, nights out with my husband and friends, time for myself. Right now, when they leave for school at 8:30am and get home at 4:15pm, we all have a hard time if I am gone at night. In fact, there are some nights when Chailyn has basketball and I have a volunteer meeting that we see eachother for maybe an hour for dinner! That just doesn't seem like enough.

So it probably seems like I am talking myself into this. Even though I see the logic in it, I am still so on the fence. Why? Why do I feel like it is this overwhelming decision that I can't seem to make?

My intent in this writing is to document my decision-making process, to share my emotional rollercoaster, and to get feedback from anyone on either side of the fence.

...and just so you know... right now, it's really quiet in here...